By Rori Raye
If you've ever wished there weren't another
woman on the planet who thought your man was cute - I've
got a better idea.
Once a man falls for you, if you know how
to keep the attraction and the intimacy going strong,
your relationship will be foolproof. No other woman can
ever capture more than a quick glance from him - his heart
If your man has a really good friend who
just happens to be a woman, and it drives you crazy and
makes you feel jealous and awful, I know just how you
I remember one important man in my life
whose best friends were all women - and they'd all once
been his girlfriends, too.
I can't forget the evenings I spent sitting
on the floor of our apartment, eating dinner off the coffee
table in the middle of the room, surrounded by seven of
his ex-girlfriends, one of which I knew he still had feelings
for but I somehow accepted it because she was gay.
I remember NEW women friends showing up
in his life all the time, and I remember how hard I worked
to turn each one of them into MY friends, even if I had
to push my way into a dinner that was supposed to be just
between "the two of them." It always had something to
do with "work," and it was always "just friends," but
they got better gifts on their birthdays than I did, they
got more attention than I did, and they got better conversations
It's no wonder that relationship finally
didn't work out - but it wasn't because of those women.
It had nothing to do with them.
They really were just friends - and the
fact that he seemed to care for them more than he cared
for me had nothing to do with them, either.
The problem was that I was unable to be
with that man in a deep, connected way.
Not only could I not express my feelings,
I couldn't even find them.
If you asked me then what I was feeling,
I'd look at you, puzzled.
It took me a while to turn all that around,
but with the techniques and Tools I developed to help
myself and my clients, you can do it so much faster and
easier than I did.
Here's a letter from Kathy, who's stuck
in a push-pull stalemate with her husband over his "friendship"
with another woman: "Dear Rori, I'm having trouble trying
to understand my husband. He's distant with me...He has
a lady friend at work which I don't like because whenever
she has problems she calls him and my husband tries to
be there for her. I keep telling him 'she has a husband
why does she have to tell you her problems?'. We are having
problems because of her.
I try to understand but my feelings and
anger and hurt gets in the way... also trust. My husband
wants to be family friends with this woman and I don't
want that - he just doesn't understand me.
He calls her everyday even if they see each
other at work. He doesn't give me as much attention as
he does her. He also told me he doesn't love me or have
feelings for me.
Ever since she has entered our life it's
been problems. What do you think I should do? I'm very
hurt and confused I want him back to feeling the way he
used to. Thanks Emily" ***I just want to wrap my arms
around Emily and hug her - and I also want to shake her.
I know you can see that everything she's
thinking about this situation, and everything she's doing
and saying is just making it worse - and yet I know that
when you're right in the middle of something that feels
so awful - you don't know what else to do.
Let's pull apart what's happening here,
and why what Emily's doing is not working.
1. Emily's husband has lost his "feeling"
2. He's met a woman at work who interests
him enough to want to talk to her every day, even after
spending the whole day at work with her.
3. Because he feels bad, and doesn't want
to end the marriage, he wants to keep this woman in his
life with Emily's blessing - so he's trying to get Emily
to accept her as "Okay" - he wants to make her a "family
friend." 4. Emily's understandably upset...but...
5. She's focused on this Other Woman - when
she should be focused on HERSELF.
Bottom line, the problem is not this woman,
it's in Emily's inability to attract her husband to her
in a deep, emotional, intimate and cheat- proof way.
So - how does she turn all this around fast?
First, Emily needs to understand that this is about her
and her relationship with her husband, and take charge
again of herself instead of complaining about this woman.
Next, she needs to stop feeling jealous
and start looking at the day-to-day life she has with
She needs to start seeing when and how he
lost romantic interest in her, and then make some changes
to get it back.
I'm not saying her husband's blameless -
but you can't make a man feel something he doesn't feel
by TELLING him to.
You can't ORDER him to love you.
If he's behaving in an intolerable way,
and you don't want to make the changes that need to be
made to save the marriage, then you can leave.
But you can't push a man into Romance.
You have to INVITE him.
And you have to invite him into romance
with you even if you're feeling sad, angry, resentful,
and everything else Emily must be feeling right now.
Sound impossible? It's not. It just takes
some new skills.
So how can Emily stop pushing him away,
complaining and telling him what to do about this woman?
1. First - she can STOP talking about her at all.
Not one mention. Not one complaint. Not
If her husband should bring her up - such
as "Let's have her over for dinner, okay?" - Emily has
to say what she feels and what she DOESN'T want in this
That could look like: "I feel uncomfortable
having her over. I feel jealous of her, and angry with
you about her, and I don't like feeling that, so I don't
want her in our house." And then she stands there for
a moment and listens to what he has to say.
If he tries to convince her, she just sticks
to the same words: "I feel uncomfortable and I don't want
to invite her over..." And then she can walk away from
Or, she can go with "Sure." And let her
come over so she can see for herself.
2. Next - she needs to use all my Tools
to start fresh in her marriage. (Reconnect Your Relationship
is perfect for this - it will help her "Change Everything"
- her "vibe," the way her husband relates to her - everything.
3. This is all about changing her "energy"
from being "combative" and "challenging" with her husband
because she feels so mushy and weak on the inside, to
feeling so strong inside that she can be a soft, alluring,
magnetic woman on the outside.
If you'd like to read and see more about
how Emily (and you, too) can quickly become a Modern Siren
who irresistibly draws men close and makes them want to
stick like glue to you, sign up for my free e-letters..
My Tools can help Emily get a handle on
her own emotions.
If you've read any of these letters, you
know I'm not about "hiding" your emotions, or "changing"
them, or "distracting yourself" from even your most unpleasant
feelings - instead, Emily has to dive in and become AWARE
of how her feelings are hurting her and her marriage.
And in order to become aware of your true
feelings, you have to feel them.
And once you can feel them, in order to
create true intimacy with a man, you have to be able to
EXPRESS your feelings with him in a way that doesn't push
him away - as Emily is doing by attacking him, trying
to get him to act differently - trying to get him to LOVE
Expressing your feelings in an authentic
way not only lets a man see who you are and get close
to you because of your vulnerability - it allows him to
feel SAFE with you.
For most of us, this kind of instruction
sounds like a direction to "have a serious talk about
the relationship." But that's NOT what works.
Later on, Emily might be able to say "I
feel bad about our marriage. It would feel so good to
be close to you again..." But that's WAY later.
NOW - Emily needs to say things like "This
feels so fun," whenever there's a moment of fun between
Emily needs to get into her own sexuality
and sensuality and feel happy when she's around him by
finding things in her life that she can be happy about.
She has to take her focus off of him and
find a way to experience happy moments for herself.
And then, she can share them with him -
like, "It felt so good to take a walk just now. I could
feel the breeze on my face and the air felt so clean..."
There are so many things to express feelings about that
have NOTHING to do with the marriage.
Try out these ideas, and if you'd like extra
help, you'll find SO MANY easy, fast, and FUN Tools in
my newsletters. Let me know how these Tools work for you,
to bring your man close no matter WHAT'S going on - even
if there's another woman in the picture.
I believe that you're incredible, and that
with my Tools, and the bravery I know you have just from
the fact that you're reading my letters, NO other woman
is a match for you.
In her workshops, classes, private
coaching and new book, relationship coach Rori Raye teaches
women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly
effective techniques for communication, confidence, and
connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious
eighteen-year marriage around.
here to sign up for Rori's free newsletters.