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Dating Younger Women
By David DeAngelo
Note: As I was finishing up writing this newsletter,
something very interesting happened. Read all the way to the
very, very end for the story<<<
Ah, younger women.
It's taken me a long time now to finally see
clearly that the appeal of younger women is not
I recently read somewhere that when men get
married for the SECOND time, they marry women an
AVERAGE of 10 years younger.
Something like 20% of men who marry for a
second time wind up marrying a woman that is over
20 YEARS YOUNGER.
I also recall reading somewhere that women
are universally attracted to men who are older
than them, and that the "average" relationship
contains a man that is four years older than the
Remember Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall?
Or how about Michael Douglas and Catherine
I hate him, too.
In my own family there are age gaps ranging
from 10 years to over 40 years.
Yea, you read that one right. Over 40 years.
I won't even go there...
Let's just say that it brings a whole new
meaning to "I traded my 40 in for two 20s".
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that
this pattern of older men dating and marrying
younger women isn't going away anytime soon.
In fact, I personally believe that the more
"socially acceptable" it becomes, the MORE it's
going to happen.
For most of my adult life, I've dated women
that were either my own age, or very close.
But for some reason, right about when I
turned 30, I began sometimes dating women who
were younger than me.
At first it was a little bit strange.
I didn't feel like I had anything to talk
about with a woman who was five or ten years
younger than me.
But the more it happened, the more I realized
that younger women have a certain appeal that
goes far beyond just the "physical beauty".
Younger women just have a different VIBE.
If you meet the right younger woman, you'll
find that she can bring an amazing energy, vibe,
and youthful atmosphere to your life.
After having the experience myself, talking
to other guys who have shared it, and reading
about it a lot, I can say that many guys have
the experience of FEELING YOUNGER and MORE
VITAL when dating a younger woman.
It can be a blast.
Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to
date women your own age, or women who are older
Not at all, in fact.
I'm just saying that if you find yourself
attracted to younger women, it's perfectly OK.
And I want to devote this newsletter to the
topic of how to successfully date younger women.
Keep your eye out in the near future for a
newsletter titled "How to date women that are
old enough to be your grandma". Somehow I don't
expect that one to be quite as popular as this
OK, let's get to it.
First I want to talk about my take on
younger women in general, then I'd like to share
some specific techniques and ideas for dating
YOUNGER WOMEN MATURE FASTER
Now, we've all heard that "Women mature
faster than men", right?
Well if you could have the opportunity to
listen to a group of four 20-year-old models
standing in front of the bathroom mirror at an
A-List club in Los Angeles or New York, I think
you might change your mind...
My personal view is that SOME women mature
faster than most men... and that SOME women
have a SIDE of them that matures faster than
All women don't mature faster than all men.
But there are those women that DO mature
faster... and these younger women can be VERY
interesting to hang out with.
Take a minute and imagine what it would be
like to be an attractive 18-year-old young
woman who has just graduated from high school
and is starting her first year in college.
Let's assume that she's above average in
the looks department, smart, and beginning to
enjoy her new-found freedom and independence.
What would be going through your mind?
How would you be approaching the world?
Well, I think that you'd probably have
begun to realize (in a big way, most likely)
that you have a certain POWER over most men.
You've probably also begun to realize that
there are certain types of "boyz" that hold
a certain appeal... and ones that trigger a
certain type of magnetic attraction in you.
(If you've had a chance to go through
my Advanced Dating Techniques Program, then
you understand that this ATTRACTION is
being triggered by certain traits, and not
just good looks.)
Now, without taking too long to explain
the point, if you think about it, the traits
that trigger ATTRACTION in women are MORE
likely to be found in an OLDER man than a
Traits like higher status, masculinity,
leadership, mystery, challenge, confidence,
and composure... and many others.
It often takes men DECADES to cultivate
the traits that are attractive to women...
and you'll notice that when they do, they
often act like they just discovered the
concept of FRICTION... and they behave
And if you were an attractive younger
woman who was just "finding her wings" in
life, you'd be responding to this in a way
that you probably wouldn't be able to
Younger women are more likely to feel
ATTRACTION for a man who is older.
This principle has proven itself to me
over and over... and the more I look around,
the more I see it in action.
IS IT "NORMAL" TO DATE A WOMAN
WHO IS YOUNGER THAN YOU?
One thing that makes this particular
topic very interesting to me is that it often
evokes VERY emotional responses from people.
Some people say "It's sick for an older
man to date a younger woman"... some people
see it as perfectly normal... and some see it
as MORE normal than men dating women their
Everyone has an opinion about it, one way
The reason that this is important is that
the younger women you'd like to date have a
wide range of opinions as well.
IN other words, one 20-year-old woman
might think that the idea of dating a guy who
is 27 is TOTALLY GROSS, while the next one
might only find herself attracted to men who
are over 30.
The point I'm making here is that if you
are going to date younger women, you must not
let yourself be overly influenced by the
opinions of others... especially the women
you would like to date.
Just because one woman says "I think that
any guy who asks a woman out who is more than
three years younger is sick" doesn't mean that
ALL women think that way.
The girl right behind her might say "I just
don't have a clue why ANY woman would want to
date ANY guy who's under 40... they're all
If you wind up talking to a woman who isn't
interested because you're "too old", just move
on... and don't let it distract you.
CATEGORIES AND CATEGORIES
I've found that women usually fit into one
of the following three categories when it comes
to how they view this topic:
1) "It's perfectly normal" Maybe 20%)
2) "It's taboo, and very intriguing" (Maybe 20%)
3) "It's GROSS!" (Maybe 60%)
I just made these numbers up based on my
personal experience and my personal observations.
Some guys I know ONLY date women who are much
younger than themselves... and their experience
is that MOST younger women want to date guys who
are older... see for yourself.
Next, I personally think that maybe only 25%
of the younger women you meet are even worth
your time and attention.
75% are in the categories of not interested
in older guys, not attractive physically or
personality-wise, too immature, etc.
Of those that ARE worth pursuing, most fit
into one of a few categories:
1) Damn smart, high standards, and on the path
to bettering herself.
This young woman will often respect you and
admire you for your experience in life, and look
to you for approval, advice, and input.
She will probably get a thrill from being with
a guy who is mature, sophisticated, and who knows
how to make her feel good physically.
This woman might be the daughter of a strict
and/or religious family who is now experimenting
with her independence.
2) Attractive, and overly-concerned with what
others think... very competitive, life revolves
If you meet a woman who is between 18 and 23,
and she's a model, actress, dancer, or other
"entertainer", you'll often find this personality
Often these girls like to PARTY.
Drama usually isn't far away.
These women often enjoy the thrill that being
with an older guy brings.
They are often found on the arm of rich,
playboy types... because they like the attention
and material gifts and advantages.
WARNING: These women, in my experience, are
more likely to be users, cheaters, and the types
that turn your emotional life upside-down with
all kinds of unimaginable drama.
3) The nice girl who likes you. Maybe not
stunning, and maybe not a super-genius, but
likes the fact that she's met a man who is a
MAN... and who makes her feel good.
Most of these women have a common realization
that guys their age just don't "get it".
They're tired of hearing about dumb "guy
stuff", and they are fascinated by a man who is
both clearly in control of himself and his
environment, and very aware of how to treat a
woman... how to make her feel good... how to
take his time.
These women can be great fun, and they can
be a real joy to be around. They often bring
a fun, spontaneous energy to the relationship,
and they make things a little unpredictable.
Now this isn't a complete list.
And it's not exact.
But it's pretty accurate, and if you use
these categories as general guides, you'll
begin to understand and have more success in
your interactions with younger women.
THE SPECIFICS... WHAT, WHEN, HOW
Here are some specific ideas for dating
REMEMBER: These are WOMEN. They're not
a different species, and everything else that
you've learned from me applies as well.
1) Be Cool, Dude.
When most older guys meet a younger woman
that they feel attracted to, they immediately
begin to act WEIRD.
They stop acting like "themselves".
Now, women don't know what you're like
"normally", but they can tell INSTANTLY if
you're NOT ACTING LIKE YOURSELF.
Us guys do all kinds of subtle and not-so-
subtle little things when we're feeling
nervous... and these things give women the
So be cool.
Don't act like a Wussbag.
2) Treat her like a BRATTY LITTLE SISTER.
Now that you're being "cool", take it to
the NEXT LEVEL...
Use one of my favorite personal techniques,
and treat her like your BRATTY LITTLE SIS.
It's OK, go for it.
Say all the things you never had a chance
to say when you were a freshman.
Now's your big chance!
And don't worry about it when she plays
"fake mad". Just turn it up some more.
Oh, and call her on everything she does
or says that's immature.
I can't go into all the reasons why this
is a great idea, but it is. You keep your
power, you have all kinds of opportunities
to be Cocky & Funny, and you can always keep
things interesting and challenging.
Oh, and it's COMPLETELY different than the
way most Wussies treat her... which is good.
3) Don't try to follow or get her to lead.
Women in general are not attracted to men
who don't take the lead... and younger women
are no exception.
In fact, younger women have less experience
in life, so trying to get them to lead and
tell you what they want you to do is just a
Don't do it.
You lead. You decide where you're going. You
make the rules.
If you try to make her the boss, you'll run
her off faster than you can say "I touch myself".
4) Don't try to take advantage of the situation.
Most attractive young women have had at
LEAST one "icky older guy" that "tried something"
Younger women are HYPER-ALERT when it
comes to sketchy behavior.
If you try to take advantage of the situation
or try to "make a move" too early, you'll most
likely signal to her that you're a "perv" and
that you aren't to be trusted.
Give her room.
when you walk down the street with her, bump
into her and push her AWAY from you.
Tell her not to walk too close to you... tell
her that other people might think something.
If you're alone with her in your living room,
don't sit right next to her.
If she touches you while talking, don't touch
her back... or even make fun of it and say "Keep
your hands off the goods".
5) Don't intrude on or interfere with her life.
You must remember that younger women have
lives of their own.
Often they're very close to their families,
and they're unsure of how their families would
respond if they found out that their pride and
joy daughter was dating an older guy.
Remember, she just got FREE of the overbearing
father... and she doesn't need a new one.
Don't call her at work, don't show up to see
her unexpectedly, and don't embarrass her.
If you want to make an attractive young woman
perform magic (the instant disappearing act),
just interfere with her life.
She's free, so let her be free. Encourage it,
even. Don't interfere.
6) Let her come to you... don't chase her.
If you want to make friends with a cat, the
best tactic is to IGNORE IT.
Cats are interesting creatures.
Have you ever noticed that if you chase a
cat, it will run... but if you sit and ignore
it, you'll soon find yourself pushing it off
of your lap?
Same goes for younger women.
Like I just mentioned, younger women have
often just "escaped" from controlling parents,
structured lives, and zero freedom.
If she's attracted to you, it's not because
you're creating the environment that she just
left... it's because you represent something
You'll find that if you call her all the
time and chase her, she'll be harder to get
a hold of, and less likely to continue to see
If you let her go, let her live her life,
and make yourself more scarce, you'll be more
likely to have her pursuing YOU.
Be the man that she's always dreamed about,
and then don't chase her.
7) EXPECT her to change.
If you're dating a woman between the ages of
18 and 23, you need to remember that her life is
probably going to change DRAMATICALLY over the
next few years.
You need to keep an open mind, and not try
to restrict or hinder her options.
You need to expect and even encourage her to
grow, change, and become all she can be.
The reality is that the chances are SLIM that
she's going to be with you in a few years.
In fact, the chances are slim that she's even
going to be the same person in a few years.
Get over it, and be OK with it.
Challenge her to grow, achieve, and be her
best... and don't accept second-class behavior
But she's going to change, so expect it.
8) Be CHIVILROUS.
Most younger women have had VERY FEW men
in their lives who even know what the word
If you're one of those men, then you need
to LEARN what the word means.
Opening doors, walking on the outside of
the curb, and pulling out chairs makes a BIG
impression on younger women.
When you combine a masculine, powerful
presence with chivalry, you will stand out and
make yourself VERY intriguing and attractive.
9) Stay totally calm in the face of drama.
Younger women often have a lot of drama
happening around them, and they often act
I could write an entire book about all the
things that a young woman has going on around
her that are TOTALLY UNSTABLE...
And the most influential one is the other
people in her life.
If she freaks out about something, don't let
it get to you.
Stay cool and calm.
Don't try to fix all her problems, and don't
try to stand in for her dad.
She isn't looking for advice, so don't give
it to her (unless she asks seriously, and in a
One of the things that makes you attractive
as an older man is the stability that you bring.
So BRING IT.
10) Be conscious of how often you see her and
speak with her.
Younger women are less in-control of their
emotions... and can become attached more quickly
The "trigger" for a woman "becoming attached"
is how often you see her and talk to her.
If you want to trigger the "relationship"
mechanism, spend a lot of time with her.
If you DON'T want to trigger those emotions,
you need to limit the time you spend with her.
As a rule of thumb, don't see her more than
once a week, and don't talk to her more than once
or twice a week unless you want her to start
becoming very attached to you.
And I don't care what you SAY... it's the
AMOUNT OF TIME you spend with her that makes
As always, the most IMPORTANT thing you must
understand when dating younger women is how
If you don't understand ATTRACTION, then none
of what I just taught you will make a damn bit
In fact, if you don't understand ATTRACTION,
then most of the things I just taught you above
will probably BACKFIRE on you.
So what's the best way to learn how to make
women feel ATTRACTION for you?
In fact, what's the fastest, most efficient,
most complete, most EFFECTIVE way to learn how
to make women feel ATTRACTION for you available
in the world?
I'd say that it's my eBook, Double Your Dating.
And after spending YEARS figuring all of this
stuff out, you can believe me when I say that this
is the book that I wish I would have had when
I first started.
If you put a young, beautiful woman in a
guys house on his couch, he doesn't know the FIRST
THING about how to make her feel ATTRACTION for
him. He'll do things to please her, hoping that at
some point she begins to get "into the mood"...
and then somehow lets him know.
It will NEVER HAPPEN.
But if that guy knows the secrets of how to
make a woman feel ATTRACTION... and how to
smoothly take things to a physical level
without triggering resistance and rejection...
then he will be successful almost every time.
If you want to be that guy, then you need
to get yourself a copy of my eBook.
It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds
and hundreds of techniques for making women,
young and not-so-young, feel ATTRACTION
And if that wasn't enough,
now publish a free
newsletter that teaches any guy how
to increase his success with women
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To sign up for my free three-times-a-week
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Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •
As I sit here in Starbucks writing this
newsletter on my laptop, across from me is a
couple sitting at a table talking.
And guess what? He's obviously older.
He's probably in his early 30s.
She looks and sounds like she's around 19
or 20 years old.
It's obvious that this is the first time
that they've met (they're wrapping up their
conversation, and she just said "It was nice
He wasn't saying much, and she was basically
doing all the talking... and boy was she ever
talking. About a million miles a minute...
She was leading the entire conversation,
and he was trying to be a "nice guy" and let
her lead things.
She was talking about what life was like
before she moved away from her parents.
She was saying "My parents were overbearing"
and talking about what it was like to live at
The guy was sitting there nervously talking
to her... and fidgeting.
She was asking him questions like "What is
your family like", and he was trying to give
her "good answers" like "My family is nice, and
my parents are sweet" etc.
It was obvious that she was trying to keep
the conversation going, and he was trying his
best not to "say anything stupid"... he was
trying to seem like a "nice guy".
At one point when she asked him a question,
he sat forward, turned his hands up in the air
in a "I'm just a regular guy, nothing special
here" gesture, and answered about himself.
They just got up and left.
It was PAINFULLY CLEAR to me that this guy
did NOT understand what to do in this situation.
He probably met her online in a chat or on a
He was probably all excited about meeting her.
He probably offered to take her to dinner, and
paid for an expensive meal... and maybe even a
movie before winding up at Starbucks.
He probably has no idea whether or not she is
interested in him, and he will probably go home
tonight wishing he would have kissed her... and
wishing he would have "made a move".
He didn't get it.
DON'T BE THAT GUY!
OK, enough of my ranting.
Go sign up for my newsletter, check out the
samples of my eBook, and get yourself a copy. It's
Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •
And I'll talk
to you again soon.
© 2001-2008 David DeAngelo
Communications Inc, All Rights Reserved." Double Your Dating"
and "David DeAngelo" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo