Relationship Advice for Men:
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To Call A Woman To Ask Her Out
-By David DeAngelo, Author of Double
I have a question for you...
When you get a woman's number
and you're picking up the phone to call and "ask her out",
does it bother you?
Do you get freaked out?
Do you start thinking about
exactly what you're going to say, how you're going to say
it, how to deal with her rejecting you... etc.?
Do you ever get NERVOUS when
you're dialing the phone?
You know that feeling when
you just start getting anxious for no logical reason, and
you just CAN'T control it?
Have you ever had to actually
HANG UP because you were so damn freaked out... and you
just couldn't follow through with it?
OK, now another set of interesting
Have you ever called a woman,
and started talking to her, only to realize that she was
in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time?
Have you ever had a woman
"turn cold" on you all of a sudden?
It's almost like you're talking
to a different person from the girl you met just a day or
two before... and it makes no sense to you... right?
Have you ever worked up the
nerve to call, gotten her on the phone, had a great conversation,
but when it came time to ask her out, you froze up because
you didn't know what to say?
Or even worse, have you ever
gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out,
only to have her answer with:
"Well, maybe... call me Friday afternoon... OK?"
"Actually, I'm going to be busy all this week, but thanks
for asking... (silence)"
Have you ever had one of
those conversations where you could just TELL that something
wasn't right... and that she wasn't going to be taking you
up on your date offer, or calling you back at all anytime
So why all the problems?
What is it about this particular
few minutes of time that constantly ends in problems for
I personally think that this
issue comes down to a few key DEEPER ISSUES.
And I think that if you don't
have these other issues "handled", you're going to keep
running into problems... and NEVER even know WHY...
I mean, it's bad enough to
keep having a particular problem and not figure out how
to solve it... but the idea that the solution is in doing
something you would never think of is a little bit maddening.
In other words, I think that
this is all about understanding the problem, and actually
PREVENTING it from coming up... rather than trying to "solve
it" in the moment.
Let me put it this way...
If you're dialing the phone,
and you're starting to feel nervous, then it's already too
late to solve the problem.
No quick fix will help you.
Or if you're on the phone
with her and you have just asked her out on a date, and
she says "Um, let me call you back in a few days and tell
you"... and you start to get that sinking feeling because
you know she's blowing you off... IT'S TOO LATE.
There's no "magic pill" at
The answer is PREVENTION.
THE MAGIC FORMULA
So let's take a few minutes
and talk about the issues and what CAUSES them.
Here are some of the "root
causes", and how I see them...
1) Having no other options.
If you're sitting at the
phone with ONE phone number in your hand, and you haven't
been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling DESPERATE,
you're probably going to get VERY nervous.
When you have no other options,
the single one in front of you becomes VERY valuable.
Translation: You want it
This AUTOMATICALLY triggers
your emotional system, because at some level you realize
that if you screw this up, it's all over. And you know that
it's all going to happen in just an few SECONDS.
The pressure is too much!
2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.
Now, if you have a girl that
you've been dating for six months, and you've decided that
she's one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance
on your relationship with her.
But if you don't know a girl
very well, or you haven't even dated her at all, then you
are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by
putting too much importance on ANY girl.
3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.
This is a HUGE issue.
Most men "unconsciously"
behave and communicate like they're trying to IMPRESS the
woman of their desires.
When you think about this,
it only makes sense... of course you'd want to impress the
woman you like... so she'll think you're a cool guy and
want to be with you.
But have you ever thought
for a moment how an interesting, attractive woman sees it
when a guy is TRYING to IMPRESS her?
Well, here's the INSTANT
and UNCONSCIOUS response that women have:
"He's trying to hard. There's
something wrong. This guy must have something he's trying
to hide... and he must be pretty insecure."
In other words, the INSTANT
you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt
at impressing a woman, her radar system screams:
4) Having expectations and being attached to them.
You might think of this one
as a variation of "wanting it too much"... only slightly
When you start getting your
hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to
Then you run the risk of
HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.
Women don't date guys who
assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall for them too
Remember, beautiful women
have guys falling for them left and right.
In fact, they almost EXPECT
guys to go out on one or two dates with them, then say "You
know, I really like you..." and other equally predictable
Just like being desperate
can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too
much, too fast, and creating expectations leads to crazy,
stupid mistakes as well.
Now, think over what I just
I'm basically saying that
if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you
call women to ask them out, and the problem of screwing
it up when you have that first conversation and ask them
out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first...
and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.
And the GOOD NEWS is that
this stuff is not only good for you, it also helps you get
even MORE dates with interesting women.
So here's what to do about
this particular problem:
1) Get more options.
If you go out one evening
with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot girl...
and you wind up having a fun conversation, and getting her
number, what should you do?
RIGHT! Go get at least ONE
MORE girl's number. More, if you can.
This way, when you're picking
up the phone to call (or sending out emails, or whatever),
you've got another woman to call right after her...
In other words, if it doesn't
go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.
Instead of putting all your
"hopes" in this one situation, go get more options... this
will prevent many problems, as well as giving you more women
And think about it... when
are you MOST likely to get a woman's phone number? When
are you the most likely to be in a great mood that actually
Exactly... in the moments
after you've already gotten another woman's number.
So take advantage of this
2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out with this
I have news for you: Most
women have something about their personality, behavior,
future plans, etc. that is going to disqualify them from
being good "potential mates" for you.
Now, I'm not saying that
"all women are screwed up", etc.
What I AM saying is that
you need to realize that the only reason you're freaking
out so much is because your EMOTIONS are running the show.
You need to think about how
rare it is that you actually meet a girl that is COMPATIBLE
with you... that you'd enjoy spending time with even if
she wasn’t good-looking.
If you have this in mind
as you're dialing the phone, you won't have that "I'm desperate"
vibe going on.
You won't be talking like
a guy who has a gun to his head, either... which is a good
thing... because women get weirded-out by this kind of thing.
3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what you're doing,
and then tell her she can come along if she wants.
Why is "asking a woman out"
early on a bad idea? Because if you don't have a world-class
understanding of male/female dynamics, you're going to come
across as a guy who is trying to use food as date-bait.
In other words, if the first
thing out of your mouth is "I'd like to take you out to
dinner" it's going to be interpreted as "I don't think you're
probably going to accept an invitation to spend time with
me unless I throw in something extra...".
And that's how SHE sees it.
Tell her that you're going
to be doing something, and that she should join you.
"Hey, I'm going to go down
to Starbucks and get a cup of tea. You should join me. I'm
way more fun than whatever else you were going to do...
and that's a fact!"
Extra bonus points:
Hint that she's missing out
if she doesn't accept immediately.
If she hems and haws, or
hesitates... just interrupt and say "Hey, you're the one
who's missing out".
I also like "You know, never
mind. I guess you don't like to have fun...".
This is solid Cocky &
Funny material, and it's the right time to use it.
You know, I personally used
to get VERY freaked out when calling women for the first
time on the phone... and "asking them out".
Now that I understand this
particular "moment in time" better, and now that I understand
more of the "dynamics" of what's going on, I get MUCH better
In fact, I never get "nervous"
anymore when calling women, and I rarely if EVER have a
woman "flake out" on me.
Now, in this newsletter I've
shared a few points to help you get better results in this
particular area. Use them. They'll definitely help you.
You should read this newsletter
right before you call every one of the next 10 women you
meet... in fact.
But as you can probably tell,
this is just one of MANY important facets of success with
In fact, this is just scratching
the surface of the skills you'll need if you want to have
CONSISTENT success with the most DESIRABLE women.
The reality of this situation
is that if you want to take control of this area of your
life, and not walk helpless with women anymore, you're going
to need to take more steps to get yourself educated on this
And what's the best way to
do that quickly, easily, and without spending years of time
and lots of money learning the HARD WAY?
My eBook, Double Your Dating.
It will take you step-by-step
through all the key theories, concepts, and techniques you'll
need to start meeting and dating more women starting IMMEDIATELY.
And here's another interesting
benefit that comes from going through my eBook...
It actually CHANGES HOW YOU
SEE THE WORLD.
The first time you read it,
you'll be hitting your head saying "Ah ha! Ah ha!" the whole
All of those things that
have happened to you with women will start to make sense.
All of the times you screwed
up will stop bothering you, because you'll "get" what happened...
and all of the times that things worked will also make sense.
Of course, you'll also be
shaking your head as you learn some of the most amazing
techniques for approaching women, getting numbers, getting
dates, and taking things to a more "physical level" that
have ever been created (For example, I share some of my
own personal favorite "pick up lines" that work better than
anything I've ever heard of for approaching women... and
I don't share these anywhere else except my audio and video
programs and intensive live seminars).
But one of the REAL benefits
comes AFTER you go through it. This is when the real MAGIC
starts to happen.
When you're out at restaurants
watching the couple at the next table, you'll UNDERSTAND
what is happening.
When a woman starts doing
something subtle that you would have never noticed before,
you'll SEE it... and she'll SEE that you see it... and you
will instantly be talking to her on a DIFFERENT LEVEL...
all because you know something that most other guys don't.
When you encounter "resistance"
or "problems" or "tests" from women, you will no longer
need to get nervous or upset, because you'll know what TO
DO about it... and when you actually DO the right thing
you'll see that problem disappear.
The point that I'm trying
to make is that this education will not only teach you techniques
for meeting women, it will also give you a new POWER that
you never had before.
I can honestly say to you
that if this program were available five or so years ago
when I started learning this stuff, I would have gladly
traded ANYTHING I owned for it... or paid any amount of
But it wasn't, so I had to
take YEARS figuring all of this stuff out for myself.
This eBook is priceless,
and it's worth at least ten times what I sell it for. As
you probably know, you can order it WITHOUT RISK as well.
Order and try it out. If
you're not happy, just say "no thanks" and I'll refund your
money. No questions, no hassles.
I'm that confident that it
will take your success with women to a whole new level.
Click the link below for
all of the details, and be sure to sign up for my free newsletter
while you're at it:
Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook
I'll talk to you again soon.
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question,
or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question.
I appreciate all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't
need to tell you how well your stuff works" comments, but
the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics...
because this helps other guys to see what's working in different
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in
the subject line of the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell
me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
David DeAngelo is the author
of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How
To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men
how to be more successful with women and dating.
Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Communications
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